Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
