just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
