and next time when you feel me up, do it right
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
