Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
