just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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