Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
