Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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