I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
