Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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