Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
