If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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