We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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