He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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