omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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