I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
