I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
