Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
