did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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