Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
