he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
