If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
