i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
