girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
