unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Randomize
