Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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