did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
