On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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