i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
You can't motorboat a personality
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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