This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
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