halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
