How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
