Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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