I met the friendliest cop last night
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
