my phone needs a breathalizer
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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