Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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