I'm lost and stupid without you.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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