Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
