i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I came so hard my ears popped.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
