This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
