his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
