I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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