Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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