dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
