you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
