I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
