If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
