I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
We're using joints as your birthday candles
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
