There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
