He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
