Whatcha textin bout Willis?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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