Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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