I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
