I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
