you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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