The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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