it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
