There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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