I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
