Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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