new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
