Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
