I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
