We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
