I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
