yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Randomize
